Friday, January 4, 2013

High risk for suicidal Sky Tower jumper

The tower in question, likely prompting questions into the casinos effects on the mental wellbeing of its patrons

It is a fine, sunny day in New Zealand - hijacked by the man atop the Sky Tower, threatening to commit suicide. Naturally this prompts many questions. Like, how the hell did he access an area suitable for jumping off of?

This hasn't dispelled the New Zealand spirit. Plenty of our number are gathered around the tower, wondering if they'll end up on tv while the man in orange is contemplating one of the most foolishly excessive things to occur on the Sky Tower since AJ Hackett attached a bungy cord and jumped off the side of it. As of 5.05 whilst this column is being typed we've had no update of the mans wellbeing and safety so I'm going to blithely assume he is talked out of it. If for some reason he jumps and I look out of touch/sick in the head all hate mail can be directed to;

John Key
The Beehive
C/O Prime Ministers Office

It will be interesting, certainly, *if he survives* what drove him to such a grandiose case of attention-seeking/suicide which is likely causing more Aucklanders similar thoughts when they find out that Federal Street and Victoria Street west are cordoned off. Delicious irony if his attempt is fuelled by the hustle and bustle of the Auckland motorways.

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