Wednesday, January 9, 2013

2029; The new 2012

'Yo momma so fat, that she causes cataclysmic and spontaneous extinction of humanity when she goes for a swim!'

We all heard the hype. We watched the cheaply structured 2012 and changed it's rating from thriller to comedy. Turns out there is a pretty massive lump of space rock out there, and it's probably coming back in 2029. But don't worry, the russians are going to stop it.

"We should pay several hundred million dollars and build a system that would allow us to prevent a collision, rather than sit and wait for it to happen and kill hundreds of thousands of people." - Russian head of the Roscosmos Space Intelligence (NASA, but russian flavoured)

So prevention is the best cure, as always. Before letting the asteroid impregnate the planet in a birth of fire and flame that would put Australia to shame, deflect it somehow. The clever money would say give 'Bad Vlad' Vladimir Putin some boxing gloves and teach it a lesson. I reckon the asteroid would take a fall first round, easy. 

From the country where its leader wrestles tigers and old women kill a wolf one on one with an axe, the bizarre is not only plausible, but basically built into them. As long as we avoid a collision, or Armageddon movie/soundtrack, and a speech from President Chelsea Clinton about birth control, we'll be jus- I DON'T WANNA CLOSE MY EYYYEESSS, I DON'T WANNA SLEEP CAUSE I MISS YOU BABE AND I DON'T WANNA MISS A THIIIINNNNG

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